I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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