I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
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