He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
