there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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