why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
