My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
