That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
