That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
