The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
