Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
