And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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