Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
