Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
