I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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