; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How does it feel to date your dad?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
