There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
