i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
