She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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