I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
