i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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