i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
