Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
