I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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