I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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