What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
