Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize