I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize