I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
