my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
