I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
