Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Buhtt sex?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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