U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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