guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
