i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
