I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
