If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
