physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
