did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
