dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
