forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
