I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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