the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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