my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
