just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
