UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
