Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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