she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize