I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
