I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
