After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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