he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
