Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
