the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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