Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
