Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
