A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
