i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
