hotel room ftw
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
