If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
