listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
