I looked at my own cervix.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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