I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize