It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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