Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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