the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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