Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
