can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize