I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
