hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
