i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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