I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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