dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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