Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
